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My art:
188. Sorry
101. Not Flying
133. Pursuit
78. Subtle Forms of Resistance
53. Cutting Away the Stone
question
If I'm mad at you personally, I'll probably say so.
John Shepard (radiographite@gmail.com) - Sat Nov 13, 2010 05:24:59 GMT - 1131
''I fully expect someone to misinterpret this and am not looking forward to seeing the details of how. ''
I shouldn't let it get to me. I am letting it get to me - because it's become a running gag or something.

It's this bizarre pattern where people come on here and jump my shit for something they think I said. And I re-read what I said and can't figure out what the fuck they're talking about. I perfectly expect this sort of bullshit from the Weasel because he is goddamn delusional and thinks I stole his towel and replaced it with an exact duplicate.

Am I too verbose or something? Font too hard to read on black background? Because I think some people are skipping what I write and waiting for other people to summarize it. If the other people are in too big a hurry to read the whole thing, or are in a bad mood, then that's the summary. One person: "OMG John says everyone in Indiana sucks". Next person, from Indiana: "sorry we all suck, John". Me: re-reading it, wondering where I said that.

If people want to get mad at me for stuff I said, there's plenty of stuff I write that you could get mad about and that is, I think, the clue that I am dealing with Cliff's Notes - that people don't get mad at me for my inflammatory statements about, say, substance abuse and Alcoholics Anonymous. No, they take half a "John's Quote" and half an article summary, and they half read it after hearing a lecture on another topic which shares some words with this, and they decide I said something.

If shoe doesn't fit, you're not expected to wear it. Sheesh.

So on the one hand this worries me, if it's something to do with how I write. Am I so vague, so stream-of-consciousness, that I don't even know what the fuck I'm saying? What if I ever get back into writing fiction? Am I going to be submitting manuscripts other than the ones I thought I wrote? Is my book about teenage chupacabra romance going to have people crashing airplanes and shit? Or worse: is my book about crashing airplanes and shit going to be received as a teenage chupacabra romance? At the rate I seem to be going I could submit a package of blank printer paper and they'd send it back to me complaining of grammatical and spelling errors.

Because this keeps happening.

On the other hand, there's something to this theory that people aren't reading what they're arguing about. I make overly broad statements about Saturday Market sometimes and I don't see Auntie Deb going off on me about it - because she actually comprehends what I'm saying, and is able to figure out who I'm complaining about and know whether she's in the target zone or not.

It is instead pretty obvious that Brian did not read the post at all, not a single word, and now never will because he hates me now. Well? He's acted for years like I'm supposed to be mad at him - about something that I thought by now was water under the bridge - and now he seems to have gotten what he wanted, which was for me to drag him over the coals, which it seems like I'd remember doing had I actually done it. What the hell. Did I say something wrong? Did I forget to thank him for being a reference for my job? What happened here?

It's like this: if you are in Indiana right now, and you hear me say people in Indiana drive like assholes, and you don't drive like an asshole, then surely you must have noticed other people do. If I say people in Indiana throw shopping carts at people, and you yourself do not, then you must at least have noticed it happening. If, on the other hand, you do drive 70 miles an hour with 4 feet between your bumper and the next guy's tailpipe, or you do park your shopping cart sideways in the aisle as if to stake out a claim, then yeah, I am fucking talking about you. But I don't think that's what's going on here.

And at the other end of the pipeline: if you're enraged by the fact that I'm a liberal atheist, I would expect you to flip out on me about that and not find something menial and blow up about that instead. I don't know if that's what's going on, but I suspect it might be a factor. Not the politics, just the fact that I've changed and all their expectations of me no longer apply. I thought that's what Rastport was for, so you can read and see kind of where I am in my life, and not keep getting angrily surprised by every damn thing I say and do.

I've not been at all shy about calling out people and things that piss me off. I don't speak in code. You're not meant to use a decoder wheel on me. If I have a grievance with someone that deserves blogging about, I try not to imply things - I'm more than likely to just come right out and say so-and-so has pissed me off, with every expectation that so-and-so may actually see it. And anyone who's actually been reading for awhile will know this - but anyone who hasn't, probably hasn't read this deep into this post and isn't reading these words, so I can't win.
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